Baywatch – Film Review

Never watched the TV show so this review will barely mention that. It looks pretty rubbish though. So will adding a modern action twist, the Rock and some upbeat music make it any better? Turns out, no. It doesn’t. This is a real sinker of a movie. Not even a muscular lifeguard like the Rock and mouth to mouth from one of his beautiful co-stars can save this movie from drowning.

The plot begins as a ‘fun’ recruitment event for new lifeguards. Dwayne Johnson’s Mitch and his team choose three new members to join them, one of which is Zac Efron’s disgraced Olympic medal winner Matt Brody. The two develop an instant rivalry, with Brody not working well with his new team. However, he is forced to when the Baywatch  team come up against a woman who is murdering her way to owning the breach and turning it into a very large drug empire. It’s a second rate detective movie masked as a fun beach comedy.

Sadly though, once you get past the holiday scenery, the fun soundtrack and all the beautiful actors, you realise that this film actually isn’t all that great at all. The plot is very middling, not being all that interesting or exciting and is just barely stretched out for the duration of the runtime. And to call this a comedy film would be generous. The laughs are few and far between, with the actual laughs getting little more than a chuckle. The cast all do pretty well and are clearly having fun, they just don’t get all that much to do.

Apart from Johnson and Efron, who are definitely the main stars of the film, there’s Alexandra Daddario as Brody’s love interest who is masqueraded as a main star by having her occasionally be ‘the smart one’. Perhaps the funniest part of the movie is Jon Bass as Ronnie, who tries his hardest not to become ‘the tech guy’, despite not having the superstar bodies of the other cast member. His comedy is mostly ‘look at me I’m the chubby loser one’, which isn’t exactly true, but some of the jokes do work and he’s funnier than the rest of the cast. Most of the few laughs come from his antics. Then rounding out the team are Ilfenesh Hadera and Kelly Rohrbach who get little more to do than look extremely sexy and run about a bit. Priyanka Chopra plays the villain of the film but is a very one note bad guy and has some of the worst lines (and acting) of the film.

Look, the film isn’t diabolically bad. There’s some stuff to enjoy. I liked the David Hasselhoff’s cameo. Pamela Anderson’s not so much. Some jokes do work and the film (read: locations and actors) looks really good. It’s just not great and barely even any good. It barely stays afloat. Sorry about all the water based puns, they’re about as funny as this film. Maybe a little more so. This film could have been so much more but it just falls flat sadly.

JACK’S SCORE: 2/5

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