Assassin’s Creed – Film Review

I’m not into the ‘Assassin’s Creed‘ franchise at all. I played a bit of the third one but was rubbish at it so gave up. It seemed okay, but not for me. That being said, lots of people do love it. Some of the games might be better than other (apparently), but it is still a huge success. So why not turn it into a movie? Seems like a good idea. And done well, it’d be a great franchise. Done poorly, it’ll be just another in a long list of terrible videogame movies. Guess which category this fits into?

This movie is terrible. It has an overly complex plot which just about manages to cater for some poor-to-okay action scenes and boring, idiotic or uninteresting characters as it kills this franchise before it has begun. The aforementioned ‘plot’ sees Michael Fassbender’s Callum Lynch saved from his death sentence in order to enter the animus, where he can access the memories of his long dead ancestors in order to find some sort of macguffin. The plot seems simple and kind of cool, but it gets stuffed with so many twists and turns it just loses steam almost as fast as I lost the will to live.

With three great actors liek Fassbender, Marion Cotillard and Jeremy Irons heading up the cast you’d think at least the performances would be good. They’re not. They’re serviceable at best, with everyone looking thoroughly bored and uninterested throughout the movie, barely changing their neutral facial expressions no matter what the scene. Can the action scenes save the day though? The parkour style of the game must surely be pretty great in live action?

It isn’t. The action scenes are pretty much just chases and fist fights with some slow motion and wispy lines thrown in occasionally for good measure. Only it isn’t good. It’s all quite bland and boring. Nothing amazing or breathtaking. Nothing new at all really. ¬†And the real bummer is, the only vaguely interesting parts of this movie are the bits in the past with the action stuff. The future part is even worse. Just like the games I understand. God knows why they decided to set this one mostly in the future then! Who had that bright idea?

Nothing makes sense in this film. People say things and then do the opposite, people suddenly change their motives instantly and for some reason people do things they don’t want, or even know how, to do. There is a moment near the end when a character lets someone do something and then instantly swears revenge on them for doing it! Despite the fact they could have easily stopped them! Nonsense!

This movie is terrible. Boring, uninteresting and very confused. I have no idea where this franchise could, or will, go form here but it can’t be any worse than this surely. That is, if it even goes anywhere after this mess of a movie! Maybe one day we’ll get a good videogame movie. That day hasn’t come yet…

JACK’S SCORE: 1/5

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